Spanked Employee Receives 500K In Lawsuit

In a lawsuit involving the "camraderie-building" exercises of an alarm company, Janet Orlando, 53, was awarded $500,000 dollars for sexual harassment and sexual battery. Alarm One Inc., an extension of the local Sigma Phi Theta fraternity, was accused of spanking Orlando when her team lost one of the games, presumably beer pong.

I find this ruling to be way out of line. I mean, these people were just having a little fun. Orlando wouldn't have lasted a day if she had worked at my first job with the Sausage Factory. If she thought spanking was bad...er...never mind. The truth is, none of this would have happened if Janet Orlando had just asked the company to put her on the do not spank list, and judging from this AP photo, the company couldn't have been far away from putting her there themselves.

But the real outrage here is not the acts that Orlando was subjected to, but the ungratefulness with which she accepted them. For absolutely nothing, Janet got the kind of action that usually costs anywhere from 50-75 dollars extra, depending on your location. Just from looking at Orlando, I'm going to go ahead and say that she hasn't seen this much sexual attention since her senior prom. I think that this judgement should be overturned by a higher court, and I should know, because I'm the mayor of this here town.