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Thursday, April 13, 2006

Fox News Reports On Major Scientific Breakthrough

Fox News once again proves it is always first on the scene by reporting on one of the biggest breakthroughs in the history of science. Many academics have toiled long and hard, but only recently have they come up with the formula for...the perfect booty. That's right, after years of research, and thousands of tax payer daughters, Dr. David Holmes of Manchester Metropolitan University has come up with the equation. He stated that he originally began searching for the formula for the perfect ass in hopes of gaining insight into why he could never seem to get any, but since then it has become purely a scientific endeavor, and he feels that this is information that is too important to keep to himself.

The field of "tushology" has been neglected for a lot of years, as evidenced by a google search in which the term turns up 3 results from 2 websites. But the good doctor has a point, after all, if we don't know what the perfect derriere consists of, then what chance do we have of being self concious about it our entire lives.

The formula that Dr. Holmes devised contains 6 variables, 5 of which are based on a scale of 1-20. These include bounciness, firmness, skin texture, circularity, and overall shape. Let's compare these two butts for instance. The first is awarded a score of about 5o or so, with the perfect score being somewhere in the neighborhood of 80. The second gets a score of -12, with extra 12 points off because the booty belongs to Roseanne.

Well there you have it, the run down on the latest scientific breakthrough. Unfortunately for America, the formula was discovered in Britain, and now adds to the pile of evidence supporting the theory that the US is falling behind in the scientific community. Several big name figures, including the science advisor to President Bush, have stated that this can only be seen as a great defeat for the American people, but a great victory for all those who love a good posterior.

Academics Develop Formula For Perfect Butt
I'm not making this up.

1 comment:

mikevotes said...

You know when I'm looking for a perfect ass, FoxNews is usually one of the first places I go.

Their nightly lineup, for example, offers four or five of them.

(Thanks for the link, I have reciprocated.)