I am the honorable flamingo. What you read here might make you smile, make you think, or make you wonder. This is the world as I see it, from the view of a pink, long legged, slightly awkward bird.

Friday, March 31, 2006

New ADD Medication

I'm not sure of the exact statistics, but I think that of the people in the United States, about 95% have been diagnosed with ADD. Now most doctors simply prescribe drugs as a way of controlling and tranquilizing anyone who happens to show signs of energy or creativity. This is probably a good idea, because energy and creativity are two of the most dangerous problems facing our society today, right up there with people urinating on electric fences.

Despite the effectiveness of these drugs in making sure children show no signs of life, i believe that there may be a better way. That is why I would like to introduce my newest invention: the ADD yard stick. It is made of spruce, a wood known for its high strength-to-weight ratio, and can really pack a wallop. The stick comes in packages of 6 or 12, since it usually doesn't last past one use, although for children with milder ADD, a swift rap on the knuckles is usually enough of a reminder to quiet them down.

Now I know you're thinking "That's a great idea, but what if my child or student has ADHD?" In the case of a child with this disorder, often the yard stick will not be enough to quiet them down. For these circumstances I have also developed the ADHD lead pipe. You'll feel like Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory as you bludgeon children with this wonderful educational tool. It's never too early to put a stop to ADD or ADHD behavior, and at only 19.99+S/H, you can't afford not to buy this terrific set. It makes a great gift, and remember, creative kids are the biggest threat we have to a docile and lazy society.

3 comments:

Father Dan said...

Brilliant. Blogged it over here. I have a site that has been in the back of my mind for years, just haven't sat down to code it.

CryingBag.com

Run with that one in your mind. Keep a straight face, be rational, firm - You'll laugh your ass off.


"Looks like someone needs a crying bag!"

Cheers

The Flamingo said...

Thanks! It's always nice to get a mention on another blog, especially one that I enjoy reading myself.

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