Some Ducks Have All The Luck

I was recently flipping through the pages of my Guiness Book of World Records, as I am wont to do, when a rather peculiar record caught my eye. The record is officially called the "Largest Avian Reproductive Organ", but it does just as well to say, "Biggest Bird Penis In The History Of Modern Civilization." The record belongs to the Argentinian Lake Duck, who is seen here gazing arrogantly at his gigantic member. That's right, that is his penis, and he is staring at it, but hey, who can blame him. The penis itself is almost 17 inches long when unwound, and retracts into his body when not "in use." I'm not sure who's job it was to uncoil the penis in order to get an accurate measurement, but I assume there was a lot of mocking that went on after the act had been completed.

The bird itself is only about 17 inches long, which means that he has a sex organ about as tall as he is. I don't want to go into too much detail here, but I think it's safe to say that if I had a penis that was almost 6 feet long, I'd probably stare at it for a while myself.

Now if you are like me, you are probably thinking "what about the female bird, where does she fit in all this?" Well, the answer is, we're not really sure. Scientists know very little about how these animals reproduce, presumably because they were too busy staring at the duck's penis to notice. So if you ever wondered what it would be like to have your manhood be the size of your small intestine, look to the Argentinian Lake Duck, for he is living a dream, a dream of virility, of masculinity, and of having a penis long enough to bungee jump with.