Lowering The Cost Of Execution, One Beheading At A Time

Have you ever been sitting in your living room watching the news when a reporter comes on to tell you about the imminent execution of some mass murderer. Without a doubt, someone in the room will say, "They shouldn't be allowed to put people to death, you shouldn't be allowed to kill another human being." If you are like me then you must have thought, "There has to be a better way." Well now there is. I think that it is about time to bring back the guillotine, that friendly instrument of death, popularized by Robespierre during the French Revolution.

One of the biggest problems with lethal injection is the cost. For a site to get started with lethal injections, they would have to shell out over $100,000 dollars for the equipment! After that the drugs only cost about $86 dollars per execution, which may seem like a bargain, but wait until you see the cost efficiency that is the guillotine.

How much would it cost to behead someone with a guillotine, you ask? Nothing! Aside from some alcohol and oil to keep the machine well maintained, executions would be totally free! And have you ever had to sit through a lethal injection? Boooorrring! People would be lining up to watch heads roll at our public decapitations. In fact, we could make a profit on our executions just by selling tickets to see the punishment of societies worst menaces. Imagine the thrill of taking your children to the beheading of Saddam Hussein. As an added bonus, anyone caught scalping tickets before the execution would be beaten in front of the audience as an opening act.

Not only are guillotines practical and painless (or so I'm told) they are also very artistic. There are numerous kits you can buy to build your own model guillotine, I don't see anyone jumping to put together their own lethal injection room, complete with criminal and intravenous system. I think this is by far the best way to lower cost of executions. In fact, Texas has already signed on to my plan, and is hoping to hold its first public beheading next month. This could be the next big thing in capital punishment. I mean, it's not like strapping someone to a table and putting them to death is cruel and unusual, right?