News Round-Up

It Takes One To Know One
Cherie Blair, the wife of British PM Tony Blair, only pretended to slap 17 year-old Miles Gandolfi after he held two fingers up behind her head during a photograph. The faux slap came after Blair allegedly referred to Gandolfi jokingly as, cheeky. Gandolfi then responded, "I'm not the only one", as he pinched the lawyers gigantic jowls.

Bounty Hunter Lands In Doghouse
The reality-television bounty hunter "Dog" Chapman was required to wear a monitoring "collar" until his extradition hearing to Mexico. The star was arrested after helping with the apprehension of Andrew Luster, the heir to the Max Factor cosmetic company. During the hearing in which Dog was ordered to wear the monitor, fans held signs and cheered outside the courtroom. While the authorities officially have their Luster back, Dog has seemingly lost none of his.

Spinach Contaminated, Children Celebrate
Jubilation rang through the streets of the nation as kids everwhere celebrated the news that tainted spinach had been pulled off shelves all over the country. Many saw the announcement last week as a major victory in the war against healthy food, a war that has been fought by the children since "we first learned how to spit", a spokesperson for the group, said. Little Johnny Waterhall also added, "If we didn't demonstrate, it would send a message to our parents that America's children are weak."