I am the honorable flamingo. What you read here might make you smile, make you think, or make you wonder. This is the world as I see it, from the view of a pink, long legged, slightly awkward bird.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Bumper Stickers That Say More Than You May Think

Oftentimes, people see fit to use their cars as a billboard, and there are certainly no shortage of people willing to come up with inane expressions for people to load up on at $1.50 each. Like adhesive cocaine, people will put their beliefs, ideals, and laundry detergent on their bumpers for everyone to see, and here are a few that caught my eye.
Someone slaps a sticker on their 1990 Toyota Tercel that they got free on earth day from a group of pot-smoking hippies and all of a sudden they are a humanitarian. It only takes a quick glace in the window to realize that this person has little to no knowledge of Buddhism, the Dalai Lama, or even Tibet in general, but knowledge be damned, they will fight tyranny wherever they hear it exists. But keep fighting the good fight, because you, average joe, are kicking some Chinese ass, one sticker at a time.

It is a rare thing to have a thing this simple be able to so eloquently convey such a cocky message. There is no other sticker that says quite as well: I'm an egotistical jackass who happens to know how to play a guitar. Although a catchy tune may seem like a viable solution to all the violence in the world, it occurs to me that it didn't work too well for the Revolutionary War buglers. The buglers are also a shining example of what happens to people who spend all their time in the music room: they end up in the middle of the battlefield with nothing but a wind instrument for self-defense.

This is usually used as a sign on the side of school vans, but is also reported to be seen on the minivans of stuck-up parents of home-schooled children. This last sticker I find personally offensive. What the hell could I possibly be doing to the other cars on the road, that I need to be informed that this one is carrying children. Perhaps some people are thinking, "hmm, this van has children in it, perhaps I should refrain from mooning and/or lobbing a hand grenade through the window. Apparently there are people who I am unaware of who routinely misbehave so badly behind the wheel that they must be reminded of the presence of small children from time to time.

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